What Makes this Hard…

I have been debating on whether to write anything negative on this blog, but there comes a point in this journey where I am having a difficult time finding the humor in living here. There have been good times and small victories without a doubt but today (after 2 months) I need to capture what it is about this place that is pushing me to throw in the towel and quit and it won’t be pretty.

1. I MISS my family. I miss my husband, my sons, my daughter (who would not technically be near me any way) regardless my heart aches to be near them.
2. I am sick and tired of listening to people tell me it will get better, especially when they are: a) referring to the weather, and b) their husband and kids are with them! So, how could they possibly know if it will get better for me?
3. I miss having someone to touch or hug.
4. I miss not having to wake up to see how many ants (or worse) have crawled into my house over night. I miss not having to sweep that crap up and I miss having a reliable pest control service in the event I was unfortunate enough to live in a shit hole like this place!
5. I miss having a CHOICE about what place I get to live in.
6. I miss not being able to drive to a CLEAN grocery store to buy whatever I want, including Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage which is my favorite. I miss having a CHOICE about where I can shop for groceries.
7. I miss TARGET, Ann Taylor, Talbots, Loft, etc! NO, they won’t ship here! I’ve tried.
8. I miss going clothes shopping and trying on clothes to see if they fit! NOT an option here.
9. I miss being anonymous when I go shopping. Out here I get stares like I am a frigging 17 year old and it can be unnerving.
10. I miss getting my hair done. Right now my hair is fried…needs a cut and color badly and there is no one who can do “white girl” hair within 2 hours of me.
11. I miss washing my clothes and smelling the lovely scent of tide and feeling like they were truly clean instead of smelling like salt water-seriously!
12. I miss being able to wash my hair under the shower of REGULAR water…not this raw salt water crap!!!! Ditto for brushing my teeth in faucet water too! Right now it is bottled water that is saving my teeth and the 2 strands of undamaged hair that is left on my head.
13. I miss being able to communicate with people and not worry if I am speaking too fast or using words that are not understood. I miss not having to repeat myself. I said I miss not having to repeat myself.
14. I miss REAL toilet paper and paper towels. It all falls apart out here like you have bought generic.
15. I miss having a common point of reference with anyone I know from the U.S.. The everyday things you take for granted do not exist here or are hard to get or do.
16. I miss having my furniture, a decent bed, TV, radio, news, Starbucks coffee (a real one), beer, chime wine, vodka, and Hacienda Colorado food. There is a ‘buzz’ in the real world (how I shall forever define everything outside of SA!!) that does not exist here. Music with lyrics is considered vulgar and is forbidden, the camp furniture sucks and is hard and uncomfortable. Everything is quiet…in the U.S. there is background noise everywhere and I kinda miss it.
17. I miss regular daylight/night hours. The sun rises at 5, and it gets dark at 6:30 PM-I have been told it is much worse in the winter months (getting dark at 4:30).
18. I miss my girlfriends back home :(.  I love seeing what is going on via FB but I miss being a part of it. I miss feeling included.
19. I miss going out to the movies with my family.
20. I miss my family and I miss my friends and I miss my home.